From late November through New Year’s, alcohol is everywhere. There is a toast at the office party, wine on the table at every family dinner, a cocktail hour at the neighbors’, and a cheerful assumption in almost every invitation that everyone will be drinking. For someone who is trying to stay sober, the holidays can feel like a month-long test with no breaks.
They do not have to be. Most of what makes the season hard is predictable, which means most of it can be planned for. This post covers how to approach work parties, family gatherings, and the in-between days, and what to do if the plan falls apart.
Why the Holidays Are Hard
Three things stack up at once. Alcohol is more available and more socially expected than at any other time of year. Stress rises, with money, family, travel, and the pressure to feel festive. And routines fall apart, so the usual structure that holds the week together disappears. Add old memories, since many people have strong associations between holidays and drinking, and it becomes clear why people who are doing well in September can feel shaky in December.
If you are newer to sobriety, or you are thinking about cutting out alcohol and have not yet, the holidays are not a reason to wait. They are a reason to plan.
Start Before the Season Does
The best work happens ahead of time. A few weeks before the first event:
- Write down every event you expect to attend, including work, family, and friends
- Mark which ones feel easy, which feel risky, and which you could skip without much cost
- Tell at least one person what you are doing and how they can help
- Find the recovery meetings that will run on and around the big days, because many meet on holidays, and online meetings are available at any hour
- Decide in advance what you will say when someone offers you a drink
Going in with a specific plan is much easier than deciding in the moment, with a glass in front of you and a room watching.
Work Parties
Work events are a particular challenge because you cannot easily skip them and you do not want to explain yourself to colleagues. A few practical approaches:
- Arrive with a drink in hand that is not alcohol, such as sparkling water with lime, because people tend to stop offering when your hands are full
- Go early, stay for the part that matters, and leave before the drinking picks up
- Decide on a short, friendly line, such as “I’m not drinking tonight,” and do not elaborate unless you want to
- Drive yourself, so that you have your own exit
- Pair up with a colleague who knows, or who simply does not drink much
You do not owe anyone an explanation about your health or your reasons. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has a drink refusal skills worksheet that is useful for practicing what to say.
Family Gatherings
Family brings its own pressure. A relative might push a drink, or old patterns might come out. Others may not yet know you are not drinking, and others know and are watching. Some things that help:
- Tell the host ahead of time, so there is a non-alcoholic option and no awkward moment at the door
- Bring your own drinks and something to eat
- Have a way out, whether that is a car, a nearby friend, or a reason to leave at a set time
- Take breaks, such as a walk, a call, or time in another room, when tension rises
- Decide ahead of time which topics you will not discuss, and have a way to change the subject
If family gatherings are consistently the hardest part, it is acceptable to attend for a shorter time, to skip some of them, or to host a smaller event on your own terms.
The Days in Between
The parties are only part of it. The quiet days between, when there is no work and no routine, are where many people struggle most. Keep a loose daily structure: a regular wake time, meals, movement, and at least one contact with another person who supports you. Include a meeting if you can. Loneliness is a risk in its own right, and the holidays can make it louder.
What to Do If You Slip
If you drink, it does not erase the progress you made. The most useful response is to stop, tell someone quickly, and return to your plan the same day. Waiting until after the holidays to deal with it tends to make the slip grow. If you have been drinking heavily and are thinking of stopping again, check with a doctor first, because stopping suddenly after heavy drinking can be dangerous. MedlinePlus advises seeking medical care if withdrawal is suspected.
Where to Get Support Over the Holidays
Support is available any day of the year, including holidays. The Massachusetts Substance Use Helpline is free, confidential, and open 24 hours a day at (800) 327-5050. The SAMHSA National Helpline is also available every day at (800) 662-4357. If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.
When You Want More Than a Plan
For some people, a plan is enough. For others, the holidays make clear that the pattern has been harder to manage than they let on. If you find that you cannot get through events without drinking, or that the thought of the season is wearing you down, it may be time for more support than meetings alone. Foundations Group Miller Outpatient offers outpatient treatment on Cape Cod for people who want structured help and need to stay in their daily lives, including during a busy time of year.
